Friday, 18 September 2015

This And That

This little blog entry contains no angling content what so ever and may offer some fruity expletives, so if this causes an offense  may I suggest you read no further.

Below we have the legend that is Danny Dyer, recently this bard, nay wordsmith offered the masses a tweet with his views on 9/11.

Here it is.........  "Can't believe it's been nearly 11 years since them slags smashed into the twin towers it still freaks my nut out to this day" Remember he's not in character but tweeting from the soul.

Pretty powerful and thought provoking stuff. If their is a more cockney geezer on this planet than Dan, well I'll eat my hat. Pie and Mash for breakfast, jellied Eels for lunch and Welks for dinner, seven days a week.

But then I got to thinking, how good would it be if Dan got into politics and went on to become Prime Minister, the possibilities for mirth are endless.

The despatch box for instance, up pops Jeremy Corbyn dressed like a sack of shit.

JC "Mr. Prime Minister, this country is in the grip of a housing crisis, how will you resolve this issue?"

PM" I could not give a fack you mug, it's faacking simple you melt, study hard at school, go to college, then onto university get a blinding degree and get a nice little number, then buy a nice gaff. Piss ball about at school, play the class clown and leave with a D in art. Get a faacking Mcjob and live in social housing, now sit daan you faacking left wing prick, next"

Or if Angela Merkel called on the dog.

AM " Mr Prime Minister we the people of the European Union, feel that the UK should take their fair share of refugees from Syria".

PM " Really you dopey Kraut tart, if you had not opened your faacking trap and suggested you would let them all in, you would not have this problem. The UK now more than ever are so glad to be a faacking island. Oh and before I hang up, Two world wars and one world cup, do da, do da."

I'm going to be contacting Dan's agent on Monday to suggest a change of career, the man is wasted with such stunning intellect. Vote Dan!


It all starts tonight, really excited about this. Can we go onto win the Webb Ellis trophy, most definitely but think positive. But really is it twelve years since Johnny kicked this over.

We all piled into the pub early doors on a Saturday morning, a great game was witnessed. Extra time and tense as hell. Then that kick to send the pub into melt down, I'll never forget my mate hugging me and screaming.

"How fucking mad is that we won, fuck me we never win fuck all and we won"

We stayed in the pub all day, the bird I was living with had the 'ump. Come six o'clock in the evening she stormed into the pub with my dinner and cutlery and slammed it on the table(we lived eight doors away), the place fell silent. I piped up "Any chance of some gravy babes?"

Needless to say we split up soon after. But I've grown up now people, matured over the last twelve years. Gotten married, become sensible. I'll be popping out to watch tonight's game and promised the wife I'll be home by Sunday lunchtime. That is real progress and real love.

Be Lucky

Monty D


  1. Dyer is (in his parlance), a fick cockney muppet wots blagged a livin' outa swearin'. Should have been drowned at birth.

    1. Bit harsh that Dave, bad day at the office?

    2. What's an office?

      Just think he's a twat that's all. I'm sure he's lovely really and buys his mother flowers whilst conversing with her in a home counties accent..... or he's a twat.

  2. The difference it that on telly he would say "them Slaggggs" rather than "them slags". An actor of the highest quality I would say Monty.

  3. James Bond! You havin' a f'kin bubble?
    For En-gerr-lund James? "Too fuckin' right geez!"
    Martini, shaken not stirred, am I right? "Hark at him, thinks I'm woofta!"
    "Give us a lagerrr you muppet!"

    New blood PM? Would be obvious choice. After all... "It's in me fuckin' veins!"

  4. Shag says.....Does Danny say 'fella', shag ?

  5. I think you'll enjoy Terry Alderton's pwoper nawty 'Danny Dire' piss takes. There's quite a few.

    Ps - don't you all walk like that darn sarf? No wonder you don't catch many chub...


    1. Joe,

      Na mate, the only walk is this.

      PS tell Carl, it all came good on the small river, he will know '-0

    2. Would one employ that walk when one is going out, or just when one is going out-out?

      Had to bail out of the trip out east on account of a family member having some health issues, so won't be seeing the Dutchman.

      Great win for the hammers. Always nice to see the Bertie's losing twice in a week at the Council House. Stockport will be awash with Paul Calf lookalikes clad head to toe in stonewashed denim crying in to their Skol...

  6. Forget all the above Bollox monty...we only went an Done it!!
    were Sitting a very pretty second...Champion Lge stuff beckons!

    1. Kev,

      Calm down, you know what happens with our lot after Christmas ;-0