Thursday, 8 July 2010

Did I Imagine This ?

Ok I've kept this quiet but feel it must be told...............

Last Saturday down the river I was in my element.No anglers just wildlife and my own dreams.Around 21.00hrs I heard "Oi Monty can I have a word ?"I looked behind me and saw not a thing.Mind playing tricks again Monty old boy.Then again "Monty,please we would like a word"

I looked around again,nixy bleeding poo as Del Boy would say.Then a tap on my shoulder.It was a Roe Deer,"Excuse me please Monty,but the animals of the wood and stream would like a word"."Would you mind following us ?".Who could refuse such an offer?

I walked along and went through a Copse and into a large clearing.A large round table was surrounded by various animals.Otters,Fox,Badgers,Rabbits and even a Unicorn.I must be honest and thought "Acid flash back,Acid flash back".

The Unicorn addressed the masses."I bring you man to vent your anger,but be kind as he can see beyond the rants of the Forum Clown".Bloody hell I thought is this for real ?

Mr.Badger who went by the name of "Barrignton the Dark" was the first to address me."Mr.Monty look we are really pissed off being blamed for Bovine TB,It's you humans and intensive farming,what say you ?""Well I'm not sure to be honest Barrington, but will look into it OK ?"That seemed to placate him.

For the next hour I listened,to the concerns of the various animals and there thoughts ,each had a good point.Rabbits,Squirrel,Muntjac,Weasel etc,etc.

Then lastly Mr.Octavius Otter(who had a very substantial mustache),got up and stood on the plinth to speak."We Otters are not to blame Monty,for your downturn in fish stocks on various rivers"."Oh yes we are far,far to many now you know,but bloody mankind has deemed it best to intervene again"."But how can I be happy to see my people culled, due to mankind's meddling ?"

How could I argue ?Mankind in Montys opinion,always rapes nature for financial reason and then seeks to blame others ?I could not disagree with the animals sentiments.I was then told by a "Wood Sprite" that I could get a ride back,on the Unicorn,as way of thanks for listening.

We trotted back through the now darkening wood.And I was back at my swim,but the Unicorn who went by the name of "Farsong" told me "This will be but a dream,but remember Monty,It's mankind and not us,It always is"."We just want to excist,not to expand,that is mankinds way".Then she was gone.

Mankind eh ?It's a sod.

Monty D


  1. Fishing a bit slow Monty old chap or have you been out in the sun too long!

    I echo your sentiments though.

  2. Yow sure about that flashback business. I told you not to suck them boiles the Sussex fence climber makes

  3. Another top blog mate and you sum up what has taken reams of debate on the Net without ever getting close to the heart of the problem.

    Monty Dalrymple for a position on the AT I say. Or maybe as the new chairman of a specialist angling group. ;-)

  4. That badger's a lying bastard, he'll say anything for a rabbit pie.

    (but you're not wrong)

  5. This little tale just "popped" straight into my head last night.I had been viewing the BBC 2 Natural World programme about the Harpy Eagle,the closeing shot was of the Eagle flying away,back into the jungle.I thought to myself "I wonder how long that will last,before It's destroyed ?"

    Then I had the blog idea.As for the AT Dave,na mate not for I.

    Monty D

  6. I always wondered how to tell a male otter from a female, didnt know MR had a tash, I do now.

    Good tale Monty.

  7.'s a more serious point though, Mont. I've talked this over with a chap who works in the "nature" sector and he said the biggest problem is "beatrixpotterfercation", which is to say that “cute and fluffy”=good. Endangered has nothing to do with it. So "save the eel?" no one gives a fuck. Otters? Aaaah Cute. Here, have a fiver.

    Of course the irony is that the less photogenic are often at the bottom end of the food chains, so the eel, a good example, which was the staple of the otter and the cormorant in many places, is dwindling, and bugger me, it’s almost as if the otter and cormorants are looking for food somewhere else….