Friday, 2 April 2010

Tory Fat Tax ?

No this is all true and it was not posted yesterday for fear of being seen as an April the first joke !I am reliably informed that when the Tory Party win the election of 2010 they propose to introduce a "FAT TAX " for anglers!

Splendid Idea in Monty's view.The Tory Party do care you see about the nations anglers,It's all to do with "Daves" new touchy feely manner.In truth how many times has your day been spoilt by these fat fookers on the bank ?

What do I regard as fat ?Anyone who is over 14 stone is an obese git in my eyes.We have all been their sitting tucked away among the rushes,on our favourite river.We feel them before we even hear them.It's normally like a scene from Jurassic Park,when the T-Rex is on the move and the water in the car started to vibrate.

You can feel a slight disturbance in the ground,then slowly you hear a wheezing noise getting louder and louder as Mr.Creosote makes his way along the bank.Then crash,bang wallop!The fat red faced fooker is standing behind you,struggling for breath.Huge rucksack,chair,large rod bag with a multi rod set up,bait bucket the works.He let's the lot drop to the floor with a load thud and shouts(as fat fookers always shout) and let's out the immortal words......"Where do the Barbel come out down here,mate".

"Where are the best swims ?""Been told their is a 17lb Barbel in this stretch".On and on he drones.He then tells you about his exploits and how good an anglers he is(not that you give a toss).

"I had a 15.2 from the Middle Hants Avon and a 9lb plus Chub".Now that does ring a bell :-}.

The last Sunday of the season I had the misfortune of meeting such a toss pot.Their I was sitting in the warm early spring sun,watching a Pike float when I was accosted by an FF(Fat Fooker).Red faced and sweaty,rod bag strap cutting into his neck,eyes bulging.

FF "How long you gonna been in that swim mate ?"

MD "Not sure,why ?"

FF "I was going to fish it that's all".Then the FF,started on about hating Pike.Then in the next breath telling what I should be doing.He went on for about ten minutes,telling me about every specimen Barbel,Roach and Pike that had been caught in the last two weeks,from nigh on every river in the country.I could take no more.

MD "Look mate why don't you just fook off ?"

FF "No need to be like that I was only trying to help".He then ambled off like a wounded Dipladocus to bother some other svelte angler.

So Gent's,It's your patriotic duty to vote Tory in the next election to keep the FF's of the bank.

Happy Easter

Monty D


  1. Fat tax for anglers.............. that's me buggered then!

  2. Tom,

    I also heard that Mr.Berridge had thrown himself off the Humber Bridge last night in a panic ?

    BBC news are reporting a washed up Hump Back Whale,in the estuary? :-}

  3. I could just see you bobbing out to sea and ending up in Holland :-}

  4. If it weren’t for a certain fat fecker yow would be have been walking home.
    Mind he really was the font of all knowledge.

  5. Why are you posting on stuff that's old ?Have a look at Mays you daft old fucker !