Friday, 30 April 2010

Blessed Are The Cheese Martrys

Today from Yat Rock I have spotted a real corker of a tale, of the over the top "Nanny State".A young man who goes by the name of Jack Ormisher,aged two had his Cheese sandwich confiscated!!Cue much anger.

Now young Jack took his lunch to his nursery school,in Pemberton near Wigan.It was confiscated by a member of staff(think jack boot's and long leather coats)as it contained no lettuce or tomato.Am I makeing this up?I wish I was to be honest.

I spoke to Wigan Council today and can confirm this."The straight up combination of Cheese and bread contravenes it's healthy eating guidlines-and fully supported the Nazi,oops sorry member of staff who took the offending sandwich".

This from a small provincial town that boast's of it's PIES!.Proper healthy eating is that!

I would suggest all of you over the weekend gorge on Cheese sandwiches,with plenty of mayonaise and mustard.No green stuff please.

Jack if you read this son ?I'll be out tommorow trying for a Crucian Carp or two.And will eat a Cheese sandwich in your honour named the "Ormisher".

As the man said "Bleesed are the Cheese Martrys".

Monty D

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Gordon Brown

Bloody hell Gordon is that what you think of a life long Labour voter who has the "Brass Neck" to ask questions over immigration into this country ?I've just heard it on Radio 4(very non Chav this station :-])

Could this be the death knell for the Labour Party in this election ? If you do question the poilicy of immgration it does not make you a raving Nazi.

Gordon you have made my day.

Monty D

Three Weeks Ago Today

I had to have my old pooch put to sleep at the age of 12.I had him from when his was 12 /13 weeks old.Sure I miss him very much,as he was a right character.But I've not got the ache in my gut's that I had for the first few days.Though the girls miss him also,he will always be my dog.

I still look for him and expect him to appear around the house.But now I smile and think of the scrapes we went through over the 12 years and I laugh about them.I've fucked up a lot over the last 40 years or so,but he was one thing I managed to do a good job with.So he deserves his own little entry on here.His ashes now sit in a little urn on the book case next to where I type this.

Be lucky boy and wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge

Edit I just had a rarther abusive response to this blog entry,far,far to rude to post up :-).Yes my friend the Fridge is rarther nasty,but It's in a very good mates back yard,who was indeed a Pikey.Though he was re-homed in a house,the dog was only four years old then.I thank you for your concern ;-}My back garden is the top one,though It still aint pretty as I hate gardening.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Foul Hooked Fish

Do they count ? Now I'm led to understand that they "all" count when fishing a "Match" ? I may be wrong here and often am ?But If it's landed then it counts ?

But today while looking down from Yat Rock I have spotted an angler on a Barbel Fishing Shite,that has admitted to foul hooking a Barbel.It happens to us all I guess ?Not I,I must hasten to add.As I'm normally so pissed on the bank I wait for the rod butt to whack me on the chin to alert me to a bite.And by then I know my "Nashy Fang" has "Bitten" in the bottom lip,you owe me for the product placement Kev!

This chap not only weighed the beasty in question,but photographed it and submitted to the gallery on the Shite,I mean site.

Is this what Barbel angling is now ?Jesus I may as well set some night lines and change my name to Vlad Popov,go down the next day and clean up ?

To the chap who done this shame on you!!I bet you were touch ledgering ?Don't tell Stef though he will royally bully you in next months CAT.

It's not cricket this gent's and It must stop.As ever It's only my view from Yat Rock.

The photo at the top is of a "splasher" I knocked on the head last season,and used it as a Pike bait. :-)

Thursday, 22 April 2010

St.George's Day or Sant Jordi ?

Both are tommrow gentleman so how are you going to celebrate?Now I'm a very proud Englishman,love many things about our country and hate some particularly the national football team.Chavs and wankers If you ask me,I hope they go far in the World Cup(not win it as no doubt they will get knight hoods),but long enough to keep people off the bank in June.

But the thought of spending a night in the local tomorrow feels me with dread.I can see it now..................Replica football shirts,tattoos on show,beer belly's, cheap ear rings.That's just the women!Constant loud chatter about "Paki's and Coons taking our jobs".Cheap food on the bar while the landlord plays England football songs on the pub sound system.I'll give this one a miss.

Now Sant Jordi is also the patron Saint of Catalonia.Catalans traditionally exchange a book and a rose on their national day.And myself along with Mrs Monty will be joining two of her friends and their family's for a Sant Jordi dinner.Smashing people these lot who know how to drink,eat and have a good time.I of course will take along enough bottles of Spitfire and Bombardier just too pretend to be "Keeping It Real",best read that in the voice of Tim Westwood,dread!

I do though draw the line of swapping roses with Victor and Adolpho.What ever you do,do it well.I'll not drink to much as I'm off Tenching again on Saturday and I will try and take some pictures to prove i visit the bank.

Had some nice fish last Saturday and on Tuesday,so must now back it up with photo's.

For England and Sant Jordi gent's.

Monty D

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

This Ash Cloud

Just a very,very quick one as I'm off shortly for a mornings Tench fishing.I have a friend who let me down on three occasions last river season,on trips to the Hampshire Avon. And at short notice to boot! As usual the plethora of excuses were trotted out.Bad back,cold etc,etc.When in truth it was really just the rather inclement weather that put him off.

Now those who know me, may say I can be a vindictive C**t ?Or indeed something far,far worse ?I'll not disagree to be fair.

So to the chap who let me down who was supposed to be flying off to the West Indies today.Ha fecking ha.

As Earl said "It's Karma".Monty would just say,justice!

Monty D

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Fisherman's Blues

Anyone listen to Keith Arthur's radio show on the Talk Sport station today ?No me neither been out and about from early.But had a couple of phone calls from folk who did.It looks like that the diminutive rolling meat legend Ray Walton took the Barbel Society to task over certain issues regarding Still Water Barbel,and possible double standards ?

As I say I've not heard it,but here is my view from Yat Rock.The BS have a "Swim Wild,Swim Free" mantra.They used to often be seen in the angling media speaking out against Barbel in Still Waters.But it's been very quiet or so it seems this last year or so.Is it me? But is it because the Chairman of the BS,Mr.Steve Pope receives a bait sponsorship from Dynamite Baits,who also sponsor the Dynamite Baits Makins Fishery,that have Barbel in their lakes to double figures in weight.

I've nowt against Barbel in lakes,If people want to fish for them then fine.But If I were a member of the Barbel Society and believed in the ethos of "Swim Wild,Swim Free".Then I would want to know why Steve Pope accepts sponsorship from a company that has a tie up with a commercial fishery,that stock Barbel into their lakes.

Good for you Ray for speaking out!It would be nice if Steve could speak next weekend on the show, to put his view point across?As I do not want to appear as If I am takeing sides.I should of course join the BS,but frankly Fred Bonney scares the pants off me.

Monty D

Thursday, 15 April 2010

American Style Politics Come To ITV

Not really but tonight we the UK voter has the chance to watch the three Stooges,try and convince us that the political party they represent, can be trusted to lead the land to a new dawn.The US have had these political debates for years and who ever comes over as "smooth" can nick a few votes.But tonight I will be surprised if more than 10 questions are asked,and giving the 76 rules agreed to by the three party's it will be a stilted affair.

Well forgive me for thinking bollocks!I guess most of us have an interest in politics ?But can you really trust anyone in power to serve us ?Not in my eyes, once in power all the good intentions fade away to nothing.It's all about them getting richer and stuff the rest.

Gordon Brown,nope can't stand the man.In fact when he is on the television I have to walk out the room.

"Dave" Cameron I can't take to him either and I do not care how rich he is,or about his Eaton background as I've met some people who are very posh and rich and they are smashing.But he reminds me of a man who would sell Double Glazing.

Nick Clegg.A total non entity.

If I could ask each of these a question I would ask these.

"Mr.Brown,or may I call you Cyclops ?Why do you despise the English so much and why does your Scottish cabal of a government funnel so much money from England to Scotland"

"Mr.Cameron your wife hails from Burton-Upon-Stather,and her farther is the main land owner their,why is he so loathed".Get out of that one Cameron!

"Mr.Clegg,your wife Miriam is a proper naughty looking thing,how much did you pay to get her visa stamped to reside here?"

I should be serious but we will learn nothing from to nights shenanigans.I'll best stay off the ale before hand though,as I'll be 'effing and 'Cccing at the Television within in seconds If I don't.I'll come back to this topic later,but just wanted to get it off my chest.

Monty D

Tuesday, 13 April 2010


Growing up as a kid any fish was worth it's weight in gold.Gudgeon were plentiful,Perch and Roach abound.Maybe the odd Crucian Carp and Tench thrown into the mix.Then you grow older and you suddenly get a few pubic hairs,read Carp Fever(first edition) and hey ho you are now a specimen hunter.

I remember one night creeping into to the local trading estate and stealing the covers off the backs of Lorry's to hang over our brolly's down on the lake.And boy did those brolly sag under the weight.We needed a "Bivvie" right ?But they were happy times and care free with Mum and Dad always about to help with bait,tackle ect.

Now Perch have had such a huge resurgence in the last six years or so.I had my first decent Perch over three pounds about five years ago.And plenty of three plus Perch up to 3.11.But try as I might I cannot get that elusive 4lb plus fish.

Much to my shame I even stopped weighing fish that were well over 2lbs but under 3.They did not count as the fishing was so good.How sad is that ?I know certain waters have larger fish,but I got caught up in the "I must catch and catch big" thing.Yes I do like to catch larger specimens be they Perch,Tench,Pike,Chub ect,ect.But what's more important being happy in peace and quiet or trying to be an angling "hero" ?.It's not as If I need to prove my captures to anyone.So why did I get so fed up ?When did a 2.8lb Perch become such a poor fish ?Mr.Perch himself does not know,does he ? When did a 5lb Chub become "Only a Chub about 5lb,did not even weight it".I'm guilty of that.I would love like many,to see the large Roach of days gone by come back to the fore.And maybe less single species anglers on the river.Yes you know who you are,you Boris heads.

Where is this leading ?No where really,but as I get older I'm starting to think angling has lost it's way.If you do not catch and catch big all the time then you are seen as a chump ?Or should I say we as anglers have lost our way ?I know I did for a while,but I now I enjoy fishing alone more and more.Pleasing myself and just being happy to be out.

Christ not even a rant ?Melancholy old me.I think we may have got blase over the last few years with our rivers being in such rude health.we may need to get used to catching less but just being less hassled as the "fish chasers" leave the rivers and go back to the lakes ?

Monty D

Saturday, 10 April 2010

"Easter Gate"

Looking down from Yat Rock I have seen a huge weeping and a wailing in Internet land in the last week about the rod licence saga.It's to be known from now on as "Easter Gate" the day the EA had many from a well known Barbel Angling Shite on toast.

Common sense would dictate that if the EA electronic system was malfunctioning you give up and maybe think "Hey I knew Easter was coming and I may have wanted to fish,so why not get my rod licence early ?"Easy one would have thought to be honest.

Or would you keep entering your bank card details again and again smashing the key board in a fit of pique,like a demented Chopin ?Then when the EA system catches up you get stung for up to six times the amount of a single license.

You then spend a whole week posting about it,decrying the EA and the lemming like mentality kicks in and posters offer their tales of woe.While many people I know thought "Good serves the thick toss pots right".

In essence chaps you only have yourselves to blame with your sloth like action!But why you need to drone on and on about it on-line?Get a gun and hold up your local PO for a rod licence.It's that easy.

Moving on to some good news on the Barbel front for those who think Mr.Otter, has all but killed Barbel sport.A chap I know was fishing a well known commercial water, in the South East of England over Easter and had 18 Barbel,in a few hours on meat over hemp on the float.No bull either.Perhaps the BS may take note and build a certain miserable BS member who moans of having no good water near 'im his own little lake?And put some nice hanging baskets around it to make it pretty and make him feel at home?He would still moan I'm sure ?Just a thought though as I know the BS committee strive to please the members.

Lastly Grand National day today and Tricky Trickster carries my money.Apparently it is Lady's Day at Aintree today ?Do not make me laugh as lady's in Liverpool are as rare as hens teeth.Have you seen the way they dress ?Decorum it's not a word I would use and the fake tan,I'm off for a lie down.

Good day to you all.

Friday, 2 April 2010

Tory Fat Tax ?

No this is all true and it was not posted yesterday for fear of being seen as an April the first joke !I am reliably informed that when the Tory Party win the election of 2010 they propose to introduce a "FAT TAX " for anglers!

Splendid Idea in Monty's view.The Tory Party do care you see about the nations anglers,It's all to do with "Daves" new touchy feely manner.In truth how many times has your day been spoilt by these fat fookers on the bank ?

What do I regard as fat ?Anyone who is over 14 stone is an obese git in my eyes.We have all been their sitting tucked away among the rushes,on our favourite river.We feel them before we even hear them.It's normally like a scene from Jurassic Park,when the T-Rex is on the move and the water in the car started to vibrate.

You can feel a slight disturbance in the ground,then slowly you hear a wheezing noise getting louder and louder as Mr.Creosote makes his way along the bank.Then crash,bang wallop!The fat red faced fooker is standing behind you,struggling for breath.Huge rucksack,chair,large rod bag with a multi rod set up,bait bucket the works.He let's the lot drop to the floor with a load thud and shouts(as fat fookers always shout) and let's out the immortal words......"Where do the Barbel come out down here,mate".

"Where are the best swims ?""Been told their is a 17lb Barbel in this stretch".On and on he drones.He then tells you about his exploits and how good an anglers he is(not that you give a toss).

"I had a 15.2 from the Middle Hants Avon and a 9lb plus Chub".Now that does ring a bell :-}.

The last Sunday of the season I had the misfortune of meeting such a toss pot.Their I was sitting in the warm early spring sun,watching a Pike float when I was accosted by an FF(Fat Fooker).Red faced and sweaty,rod bag strap cutting into his neck,eyes bulging.

FF "How long you gonna been in that swim mate ?"

MD "Not sure,why ?"

FF "I was going to fish it that's all".Then the FF,started on about hating Pike.Then in the next breath telling what I should be doing.He went on for about ten minutes,telling me about every specimen Barbel,Roach and Pike that had been caught in the last two weeks,from nigh on every river in the country.I could take no more.

MD "Look mate why don't you just fook off ?"

FF "No need to be like that I was only trying to help".He then ambled off like a wounded Dipladocus to bother some other svelte angler.

So Gent's,It's your patriotic duty to vote Tory in the next election to keep the FF's of the bank.

Happy Easter

Monty D